I wish my penis had an off switch
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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