I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
