i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
