this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
