Dual....:-)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
