she was so not down for the gang bang
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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