Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
