whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
