Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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