My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
