I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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