This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
