Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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