My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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