Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
