walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
