I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The best revenge is premature balding
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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