just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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