You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
