he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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