even my farts smell like vagina
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I smell like Dick and happiness
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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