News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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