My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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