Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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