You're completely useless in the revolution.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
