totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
