Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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