Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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