you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
