I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
