my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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