if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
