you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
