I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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