she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
