I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
