There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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