you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
