Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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