u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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