it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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