HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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