Yo dont text me then not text me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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