i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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