I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
