Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
