you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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