I could make wine with my vomit
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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