she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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