So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
