who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
