I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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