you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
