uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
