My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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