whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
