I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
