Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
