As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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