I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
