I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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