My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dick very happy bro
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
