The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
