I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize