Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
