Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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