I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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