we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
