i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
